solarsys: (4 Nix)
had a dream abt Meeting Someone, like in the romo way, and having to explain all the weird brain stuff to her. Darby finds it unfortunate that the dream-person was just a borrowed face - someone we've seen around whose face wound up getting recycled in a dream. i find it unfortunate that sie's actually having dreams about romance. at least there was a tattoo idea at the very end of the dream, even if it was a really bad idea.

i swear, sie's itching to find a dating site and make an account. problems are, we're (1) underage, and (2) not mentally or emotionally ready for that shit, even if Darby is. sie'd be doing all kinds of shit in an independent body but sie's stuck with us and has to deal with it. and i mean, i kind of feel bad knowing the rest of us are dragging sem down, but i don't feel that bad. like im not gonna feel bad for fuckin existing, yknow? not that Darby wants any of us to feel bad anyway, just. yknow.

idk. whatever. it was a weird romo dream and the tattoo idea was like the war paint in Skyrim where it's a V on your face, with the point below your lips and the edges above your eyebrows and the rest running up and down your cheeks, like this photoshopped shit:

see, it looks like clown makeup and it's all over the face. bad bad idea. but it's pretty cool anyway...

solarsys: (4 Nix)
"Shake it Out"
clover pixie (not Wanda)
gastropod Nix

other ideas:
- top-left-shoulderblade birds in flight
- chest mountains
- right rib/side crow in flight
solarsys: (4 Nix)
  1. write and illustrate a novella/light novel
  2. figure out how to print a few dozen copies
  3. get an artist's alley table at a local con
  4. $$$ + build a name
solarsys: (4 Nix)
I think I get it, sort of. for Twelve, life's a play and every scene is meticulously planned out. everything has to be just so, or its wrong. they live an overdramatized version of life and that's part of why they do the things they do. the rest is internalized ableism and insecurity and lacking trust.

another thing: my system role is basically that of head babysitter.

solarsys: (4 Nix)
 so uh, sorry about that. not deleting the post bc we're gonna show them to our therapist but, yeah. Twelve had some brain weasels to get out. its all good now tho, no worries

also our icons arent working very well for some reason, so thats a thing >: (


cw meds

Jan. 25th, 2015 10:18 pm
solarsys: (4 Nix)
 gotta love fckin abilify. went to sleep at like 7 maybe, woke up three hours later more rested than we've been in weeks. literally what the hell are these pills im so
solarsys: (Nix)
Darby was talking about therapy before and it got me thinking on the track of "what if the new therapist is some kind of merging nut" and now i'm like, pissed but in the vague sort of way when there's nothing to really b pissed about but you are anyway? just the idea of someone telling us we NEED to integrate is infuriating. like, and i mean the "everyone come together, you must Be One to function properly!" kind of thing, not the "you might want to consider merging these two headmates to make things better for the whole system and themselves" thing, and even that's kind of fucking shoddy to suggest. like i swear to me, if this guy suggests merging Ell for veir own sake i'm literally going to say he's asking us to do a mercy kill. that is exactly what i'm going to say because it's exactly what that suggestion is. "get rid of vem because ve clearly cant be happy like this" eat my ass lmao

(of course i havent met the guy yet but still, i'm wary)

solarsys: (Default)
 i don't think we've got a readily accessible headspace. i think the one we do have cant be reached except by lucid dreams, and i think the closest we've got to a waking headspace is a couple of little rooms we all hang around in. One's the "Front" room, and that's just where we hang out normally. then there's a "Lockdown" room where everyone gets thrown if someone decides theyre gonna front alone for a while. Then there's the Back, and that's where we go otherwise, and that's not readily accessible. we just go away - probably to that goddamn headcity we can't see when we're awake.

for the millionth time: we've gotta start meditating again. this shit's not gonna come around on its own.



solarsys: (Default)
the Logan

February 2015

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