solarsys: (2 Sam)
We might've found a grouphome. Maybe. It serves our county specifically, and it takes in people with "serious mental illness" as well as mentally ill folks with homelessness and substance abuse issues - it's a lot more open and general than most places we've seen. We shot them an email essentially asking if plurality and the struggles that sometimes come with it would be considered a "serious mental illness". I guess since DID and DDNOS are "disorders", they would probably count, but we don't think of our existences as disordered so much as our worldviews associated with our existences? If that makes sense? We can't function properly in the Real World and it's deeply and directly related to our being plural, and that's where the "disorder" comes in. We are not Healthy Multiple at this point. That's what we're hoping a group home will help us achieve, is becoming healthy as multiple. But we didn't say all of that in the email, of course.

I'm fairly sure that once we're legally 18 and diagnosed, they'll take us in. My big worry now is what we'll do in the meantime. We're graduating either this April or this June, depending on the circumstances, and after that we won't belong to any particular institution. We will have precious little structure, most of it centered around therapy appointments, which really isn't enough. We need pillars to lean on until we can get on our own feet. Barring a couple of programs we may be able to join, we won't have any pillars, any structure, until we turn 18. And even then, we could easily wind up on a waiting list instead of directly in a home. Especially considering our birthday is in December, which is a major mental health crisis time. The only saving grace is that it's before Christmas.

I'll have to look into those programs and see if and when we could get into them.

solarsys: (2 Sam)
Gods, it's already February. We might be graduating in two months. Two months. Gotta love these alternative high schools. Most people go to them for behavioral or academic issues or because theyre pregnant/parenting, we're going because our mental health is so fucked up we cannot function in regular school, full stop. Yay.

I can't even begin to consider what we're going to do after we're done with school. Work and college are both out of the question, and will likely still be out of the question by the time graduation rolls around. We can barely get out of bed some days. It's just not happening, not yet. I've been looking into grouphomes, but we won't be a legal adult until this next December, so I'm not sure what we'll do in the interim. This town is lacking in everything up to and including therapists, and it's honestly pretty ridiculous.

Even being back in therapy, the time between appointments drags on so slowly, we can't just sit at home and do nothing in-between, but there's just so little we can do. There's some kind of facility near where we live, but we're fairly sure it's just for substance abuse. We don't want to go back to the hospital, really, just to have something. Some kind of structure and therapy, once a week isn't enough. There are licensed therapists at this new school we're going to, and we'll be meeting with them, but what happens after that?

I'm worried for us. The road ends a couple of miles away, and we most certainly are not wearing walking shoes.

solarsys: (Default)

Critiques would be welcome! We're still very, very new to this format.

CW at the link for mothers, food, anxiety, harassment, school, animal death

It's a sort of "Ugly Duckling" adaptation, thus the working title. this is only the first act (?). it's only going to be 15-20 pages total. currently got almost six pages typed, even though Google Docs says it's four; we're working in a different processor that auto-formats thing to look like a screenplay, which is helpful.

Again, any criticism is welcome!
solarsys: (2 Sam)
I think part of our problem is that I'm the only one who really reads for pleasure, and for me it's more a passing time-spender than even a real hobby, so we look at story ideas in terms of what would make a good movie rather than what would make a good book.

maybe we should start writing screenplays.

solarsys: (2 Sam)
Twelve is very anxious and paranoid, and is very likely the source of dermatillomania in the system. They tend to scratch our arms when agitated and pick our face literally all the time. They front infrequently, usually at times of perceived high stress (when theyre having high stress, but nobody else really is). Lots of internalized ableism. Not actively a troublemaker, but causes a lot of general psychological damage and mild physical damage because of their own personal issues. Would probably react to therapy.

Nine is the exact opposite. She doesn't really react to the rest of the system, and she doesn't entirely believe the rest of us are here, which certainly doesn't help the rest of our doubt issues. Nine has a habit of arguing with me in what she assumes is a subconscious way about pretty much everything. She uses words she shouldn't, she's rude, and she doesn't care about groups of people that get systematically shat on. Twelve trusts nobody except their systemmates; Nine trusts nobody, period. Nine cares only about herself and believes only in herself. Active troublemaker. Would probably resist therapy as much as she resists acknowledging systemmates.
solarsys: (2 Sam)
 Pinterest is tricky sometimes. We each have a board to pin to, but sometimes two of us will like the same thing, or sometimes we'll be too blurry to figure out who, exactly, likes a certain pin. Being blurry sucks honestly, it's really inconvenient and it doesn't help our self(ves?)-doubt. Not sure there's anything to be done about it, though. ah well.
solarsys: (2 Sam)
 we might self-syndicate writing on here if we can actually find something we'd like to write and we can stick with. just a heads up, i guess.
solarsys: (Default)
Our current therapist, who doesn't specialize at all in plurality stuff, referred us to a team nearby. They're gonna do "testing" in order to get a proper diagnosis or two for us. Being told by a psych that we actually fit the criteria for DID or DDNOS would be reassuring, but we've decided that even if they say we're just a bunch of delusions, we know we're real and that's what matters at the end of the day.


solarsys: (Default)
the Logan

February 2015

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